Vicktor dropped Arthur, Sam, and Macy off at the bar and the three of them went inside. “This place smells funny,” Macy complained.
“Please don’t insult our favorite bar,” Arthur pleaded. “The other regulars don’t take kindly to people speaking ill of it.”
“So many rules!” Macy groused. “Where can a girl get some chicken strips?”
“Come sit down over here, Arthur will order us booze and chicken strips.” Sam grabbed Macy by the elbow and led her over to a booth.
“Don’t forget the honey mustard!” Macy shouted as she was dragged away.
Arthur ordered three strong drinks and some chicken strips with honey mustard from the owner’s nephew Jimmy who was tending the bar on Sam’s night off. “Woah, who’s the chick you and Sam brought with you? She looks just like Sam, but with bigger tits!”
Arthur had to suppress a groan. He had always found Jimmy to be more than a little annoying. “Bigger everything, really. That’s her cousin Macy.”
“Cousin, huh?” Jimmy scratched his chin contemplatively.
“Jimmy? Our drinks,” Arthur reminded him after about a minute of Jimmy staring across the bar.
“Oh dude, right! What did you want again?” Jimmy asked.
“A tequila sunrise, a long island ice tea, and pink lemonade with a shit-ton of vodka in it,” Arthur repeated. “And please don’t forget the chicken strips with honey mustard. I’ll never hear the end of it if you forget.”
“Awesome, comin’ right up, bro!”Jimmy mixed their drinks and gave the cook Macy’s order.
“Thanks, Jimmy,” Arthur said when he finally had their drinks in hand. He walked over to the booth where Sam and Macy were sitting and set the drinks down.
Macy took a sip of her lemonade and made a face. “That’s strong!”
Sam slurped a generous portion of her long island down and Arthur sat down beside her. “So Macy, what do you like to do for fun?” Arthur asked.
She shrugged, happily sipping her drink. “I don’t know...watch cartoons and movies. Some reality TV. Duck Dynasty is the shit! I like to go out to dinner. Stuff like that. I’m a big fan of cupcakes.”
“Uh...me too,” Arthur replied.
“Well isn’t this cozy,” Priscilla slid into the booth beside Macy. She grinned across the table at Arthur.
“Hey, Priscilla.” Arthur sighed. “What can I do for you?”
“Do for me? Why do you always think I want something from you?” Priscilla did her best to sound wounded, but she still had that smirk of hers on her face.
“We’re just trying to have a fun little evening,” Arthur told her.
“Some of us are having a fun evening.” Sam giggled and took another drink.
“Yes, I see that, dear.” Priscilla chuckled. “She really is charming, if a little too pretty for you. I’d expect a man of your confidence to aim a little lower.” She jerked her thumb in Macy’s direction.
“Aww, Arthur is plenty pretty, aren’t you sweetie?” Sam hugged his arm.
“Hey!” Macy finally realized she’d been insulted.
Arthur closed his eyes exasperatedly. “Priscilla, my girlfriend, who as you pointed out is way hotter than I deserve, is clearly drunk off her ass-”
“Drunk off her sexy ass, you mean,” Sam interrupted.
“Is my ass sexy?” Macy tried to turn around in the booth so she could see her own butt. There was not nearly enough space.
“Oh, honey.” Priscilla patted Macy’s shoulder condescendingly.
“My point was that this could be a really amazing night for me or it could quickly degenerate into an anxiety-ridden near death experience based on what you sat down at our booth for,” Arthur finished.
“Yes, well I imagine the near death experiences will come for you sooner rather than later, but you’re probably safe for tonight. Varner went off the deep end,” Priscilla whispered.
Arthur regarded her suspiciously. “What do you mean he’s gone off the deep end?”
“Crazy. Nuts. Snapped. He killed a cop in the dairy aisle earlier tonight. His people covered it up, of course, but I’ve got my hands on a witness.” Priscilla was practically giddy at this turn of events.
“Killed a cop tonight? Oh God,” Arthur breathed. “It was Detective Nichols, wasn’t it? I must have seen him right before it happened.”
“This is going to be big for me and Mason,” Priscilla gloated. “With Varner slipping and Smith gone missing the path is paved for us to take over this town! Isn’t that great?”
“Yeah,” Arthur answered absently.
“So I can count on your support?” Priscilla asked pointedly.
Arthur gulped nervously. “Of course.” Whatever the consequences ended up being later, Arthur knew better than to say no to Priscilla when she was worked up about something. She tended to get a bit stabby when she was upset.
“Wonderful! I’ll let you three get back to your fun little evening!” She got up and left just as Jimmy arrived with Macy’s chicken strips.
“Chicken strips with honey mustard. How we doing on drinks, any of you dudes need a refill?” Jimmy asked, his eyes lingering on Macy’s chest.
Sam held out her empty glass for Jimmy to take. “Bring her one too, she’s a hoot when she’s drunk.” Sam nodded at Macy.
“But I’m not done with this one yet!” Macy protested.
“They hurry it up!” Sam told her.
Macy sucked up the rest of her lemonade and got a big grin on her face. “You two are soooo cute! Arthur, do you have any friends you could set me up with? I’d prefer it if they weren’t too strict about their no fatties policy and aren’t cheating bastards. And they have to love ice cream!”
Arthur chuckled. “Sorry, no single friends at the moment.”
“Boo!” Macy pouted until Jimmy brought her and Sam’s refills over. “Yay! Can I have some money for the juke box? Please!”
Arthur fished a roll of dimes out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Thank you, thank you!” Macy rushed over to the juke box and started picking songs. She had to feed the dimes in one at a time so it was taking quite a while.
“That is a good way to get her to leave us alone in a bar. Wow, I cannot believe I never thought of that before.” Sam nodded approvingly.
“Hopefully it helps to salvage the romantic evening we were about to have before she showed up.” Arthur put his arms around Sam’s waist and pulled her up into his lap.
“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but do you think I’d have a shot with Sam’s cousin?” It was Jimmy and he was sitting across from them trying to look at Macy over by the juke box without looking like he was looking at her.
Arthur groaned and leaned his forehead against Sam’s. “Why can we not catch a break tonight?”
“I don’t know, but I’m going to keep drinking until we do,” Sam said as she took another gulp of her long island ice tea.
“Jimmy, just go talk to her. She’s drunk and on the rebound. I can’t imagine a time when she would be more susceptible to your...charms?” Arthur finished uncertainly.
“Really, you think so?” Jimmy asked excitedly. “What should I say? I mean, what kinds of things does she like, you know, like?”
Arthur could not for all the tequila in Mexico imagine a better match for Macy than the inarticulate slacker sitting across from them. “Cupcakes. Lead with cupcakes and you’ll be golden.”
“Cupcakes. Sweet, I love cupcakes!” Jimmy got up from the booth with renewed determination and enthusiasm.
Sam bit her lip pensively. “I don’t know if that was incredibly kind of you or the cruelest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“If I tell you how gorgeous you are can we go with kind?” Arthur offered.
“Oh, I don’t know...maybe if you’re incredibly detailed I might allow it.” Sam grinned.
“Then let’s start with your eyes…”
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