Calvin checked in on Nel on his way to school. She was still sleeping soundly, so he left a note telling her that he would be back to visit her after swim practice.
At school Calvin met up with Kira. “How was the idiot celebration last night?” she asked.
Calvin laughed. After everything else, he had completely forgotten about getting pizza with the swim team. “Harris tried his latest pickup scheme. It worked perfectly.”
Kira groaned. “Another crushing blow to woman-kind. What horrible plan did he concoct this time?”
“He snorted hot pepper flakes so that his nose started bleeding. Then the waitress came by, was very concerned, and got him some ice and extra napkins. He got her phone number while she sat with him to make sure he was okay,” Calvin told her.
“No! And I missed it? I could have pointed out what an idiot he was to have snorted pepper flakes in the first place and ruined the whole thing for him! I bet Logan ate his God damned liver!” Kira cackled.
“He was fit to be tied.” Calvin grinned. “I believe the words he used were ‘pure evil.’ I love watching him watch Harris at work, it’s like Harris discovers a new way to hurt Logan’s feelings every single time!”
Kira shook her head. “Poor Logan. He’s never going to learn, is he?”
“Never going to learn what?” Logan popped out of nowhere to ask eagerly. “I’m an excellent learner. It’s because I’m such a good listener.”
“Ugh!” Kira growled disgustedly. “Will you shut up about your listening skills? Just because you have nothing interesting to talk about does not mean you are a good listener!”
Logan chuckled. “You’re so funny, Kira! Such a sharp wit you have! Everyone knows what a nice guy I am and how good I am at listening to girls’ problems without trying to take advantage of them.” He grinned so proudly that he was positively beaming.
Kira headbutted Calvin’s shoulder because it was bony enough to simulate hitting her head on a brick wall. “Logan, for the millionth time, that was not a joke! No one wants a guy or girl whose only quality is that they’re ‘nice.’ That’s like saying someone should date you because you aren’t an asshole! Of course you aren’t an assole, otherwise no one would want anything to do with you.”
“But Harris is the world’s biggest asshole and girls are all over him!” Logan protested.
Kira rolled her eyes so hard it was a wonder they stayed in her skull. “He is not an asshole. He is interesting, clever, creative, funny, confident, and good looking. He makes sure every girl he’s talking to knows that he thinks she’s beautiful and that he is interested in her romantically. There is absolutely no room for doubt as to whether or not he is going to ask the girl out on a date. No grey area. No friend zone bullshit.”
“But he is also a liar, a cheater, and a chauvinist!” Logan complained.
“Yeah,” Kira agreed. “That’s why he only dates girls who are too dumb to realize any of that. He knows his target market and sticks to it religiously. There will always be dumb girls, Logan. And there will always be smarmy bastards like Harris to scoop them up and break their hearts. Figure out your own target market and quit bitching.”
“Yeah, bitching is for bitches!” Harris chimed in when he came around the corner. “What are we talking about, now?”
Kira smacked her forehead with her palm. “What is it about you two that lets you materialize out of thin air every time I mention how stupid you are?”
“But he’s the stupid one,” Logan pointed at Harris. “I’m the clever one!”
“If you’re so clever then how come I can get a date whenever I want and you can’t no matter how hard you try?” Harris taunted.
“Because he tries way too hard,” Calvin cut in. “Now both of you shut the hell up.”
“Why? Were you and Kira talking about something important? Like for instance, I don’t know...how much she not so secretly pines for a certain suave young gentleman?” Harris batted his eyelashes at Kira.
Kira threw up her hands. “And now they’re your problem,” she told Calvin before walking away.
“I’ll call you later!” Harris shouted after her.
“Your number is still blocked!” Kira shouted back before disappearing into the crowd.
Harris chuckled smugly to himself. “Yeah, she wants me real bad.”
Calvin punched Harris in the arm.
“Hey! What was that for?” Harris rubbed his arm petulantly.
“Can you not leave Kira alone for five seconds? Every time you see her you turn into some kind of caricature of a douche waffle from a bad after school special,” Calvin growled.
“See! He’s a douche waffle! I told you so!” Logan hooted triumphantly until Calvin gave him a stern look that shut him up immediately.
“You leave Sara well enough alone. Can’t you do that for Kira too? I would really enjoy not having to segregate my friends because one of them thinks being smarmy is a compliment,” Calvin said.
Harris looked around nervously. Then he leaned in and whispered, “Sara terrifies me. When she first started hanging around you I flirted with her a little bit. As soon as no one else was looking she grabbed my balls and swore that if I ever bothered her again she would cut them off. I don’t think she was kidding.”
“She wasn’t,” Calvin assured him and then gave Logan a look that told him Sara’s threat likely did not apply solely to Harris.
Both Harris and Logan gulped nervously and walked the rest of the way to class in silence.
It was a fairly uneventful day at school and by the time swim practice was over Calvin was more than ready for the moon to rise and let him transform.
Logan and Harris left the pool with Calvin. Sara was waiting for him in the parking lot. She glared at his friends, likely wishing they were not here, but still spoke to Calvin. "I need your help."
Logan instantly perked up. "What do you need help with? What can I do?"
Sara rolled her eyes. "Nothing. This is a Calvin problem."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Logan smiled broadly. "There's no job too small. I'll help any way I can."
Calvin was shocked to see Sara hesitate and then agree to let Logan come with them. "Fine," she said in her usual disinterested monotone. "There's plenty of vomit that needs to be cleaned up."
"And that's my cue to leave." Harris turned and headed toward his car.
Calvin glanced up anxiously at the cloudy sky. He had perhaps two hours until the moon came up. "What exactly are we helping with?"
Sara sighed. "Mom was doing some solid day drinking and I don't want to clean up the mess by myself."
"That's awful! I'm so sorry," Logan tried to give Sara a reassuring pat on the shoulder, but she flinched away.
"Whatever. Just don't wake my mom up from - HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT?" Sara screamed.
Calvin turned and saw a horde of zombies shambling out of the woods on the other side of the parking lot. "Oh God dammit. Why now?" He grabbed Sara and Logan's wrists and dragged them back into the pool building. He heard Harris squeal like a girl and he was instantly right behind them as they rushed inside.
Calvin glanced around the lobby desperately for something to bar the doors. Then he looked to the left at the giant windows and decided not to bother.
"Calvin, what's happening?" Sara demanded.
"How should he know!" Harris whimpered. "They can't be real, right? There's no such thing as zombies, this has to be a prank or something!"
"Harris, shut up! We're going for the back doors." Calvin hurried towards the alcove. Once they reached it the windows on either side of the back doors shattered and zombies poured in.
"Zombies can't swim!" Harris squealed and then turned to dive into the pool.
The zombies at the front door had made it inside as well and they were trapped between two groups of undead.
"Shit, I guess we go into the pool!" Calvin, Sara, and Logan joined Harris in the deep end of the pool. Someone screamed in the locker room and the door slammed. The zombies ignored the other swim team guys in the locker room and shuffled to the edge of the pool. They bumped into each other indecisively for a moment before flopping into the water en masse.
"So much for zombies not being able to swim!" Logan shouted accusingly at Harris.
"I didn't know! How could I have known?" Harris complained.
The zombies flailed and slowly bobbed to the surface. They were rapidly filling the pool. “Swim to the other side!” Calvin told the others. Then he heard a scream.
Calvin whirled around in time to see Sara get dragged below the surface. He reached out and grabbed her hand, but a half a dozen zombies had gotten hold of her now and were pulling her under. Sara was trying to scream and thrash, but all she was doing was sucking in water. A zombie reached for Calvin and he had to let go of Sara’s hand to dodge out of its reach. The zombies swarmed around Sara and Calvin could no longer see her. Cursing himself for not being faster, he turned and swam to the other side of the pool.
Harris and Logan had already climbed out of the water and were sprinting around the outside edge of the pool to reach the now open front doors. Calvin glanced back at the thrashing knot of undead in the deep end one last time and then ran.
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