Everybody Out, Someone Werewolfed in the Pool - Day 17

Calvin spent the whole day feeling like there was a giant shoe hanging over his head and it was just about to drop. Math class, lunch, and swim practice all occurred in their blissfully normal routines, however. He kept a close eye on Logan, but his friend displayed no overt signs of being a villainous mastermind. There was the very real possibility that Logan was an unwitting pawn in Marla or Sara's schemes, but there was little that Calvin could do about that right now. Still, that feeling of looming dread persisted all through the afternoon.

Calvin had just about convinced himself that he was being paranoid when a shotgun blast ripped through the windshield of the Hyundai on his way home from swim practice.

"Hurry, dammit!" Someone snarled in a gruff voice.

Two men with ski masks on their heads came darting out of the woods. Calvin winced as he saw them approach. Several slugs or pellets or whatever the hell they were had lodged themselves painfully in his torso. Both men smashed the windows of Calvin's front doors so they could point their shotguns at him more menacingly.

"Don't try it, freak! I'll fill you up fuller of lead than my Aunt Martha’s gut at an all you can eat buffet!" One of the gunmen growled. "We know what y’all can do."

Calvin groaned and looked down at the bloody ruin of his t-shirt. "Then you have to know how phenomenally stupid what you just did was."

"I said-" he started another threat that he never finished. Calvin twisted around, transforming as he did so, and smacked the shotgun out of that one's hands. Calvin picked the now unarmed man up and hurled him at his fellow thug. The two of them went down in a scrambling, cursing heap and Calvin pounced on them, teeth bared mere inches from their faces.

"Wait!" One of them pleaded. "We'll tell y’all who sent us, just don't kill us dead!"

Calvin hadn't planned on killing them, but he saw no reason to let them know that. "You better talk fast," he growled.

"Herbert! It were old Herbert! He wanted us to steal Miss Avery's prize cow so he can figure out how to make the werewolves in his big ol’ clan into freaks like you! Everybody knows Miss Avery has got more power right now than my cousin Burt’s got bourbon on his breath and they'll all be gunning for you! Please, that's all I know, I'm just a working stiff - I ain't got no big fancy bosses looking after me!"

Calvin pulled his snarling maw full of teeth away from their throats by just a hair. “What are your names?”

“I’m Festus and this here is my brother Darryl. Our other brother Darryl is driving the old pickup truck parked up ahead a ways. We call her Gertrude. The pickup, not Darryl, he ain’t no lady,” Festus explained nervously.

A thought suddenly occurred to Calvin. “How would you boys like to have someone look after you?” The two idiots in front of him looked to be a few years older than Calvin, but somehow calling them boys seemed like the only proper way to address them.

“I guess that depends on how you mean look after us.” Festus gulped. “Our momma was real keen on lookin’ after us ‘til we done pissed her off and then all she’d want to do was wallop on us with the cat. You wouldn’t think a tabby would hurt much, but ol’ Stripes didn’t like being flung about by the tail like that and she’d sink her claws into you if you didn’t duck fast enough.”

Calvin stared at Festus for a long moment. He hadn’t meant to do it as a form of intimidation, he had just been thoroughly perplexed and horrified by what the young hillbilly had said about being hit with the family cat. However, Festus and Darryl had both evidently considered Calvin’s silence to be incredibly threatening and both of them had pissed their pants.

Heaving a heavy sigh, Calvin had finally said, “No, no cat-beatings or any other kind of beatings. I assume all three of you are werewolves?”

Festus nodded. “Yes, sir. Our daddy was a were and he done passed it on to teach of us when we was old enough. That was before he run oft with that trollop of a cashier from the Piggly Wiggly’s, of course. Mamma ain’t never set foot in a Piggly Wiggly’s since then. Except when she got drunk that once and tried to burn the place down, but she didn’t hurt nothin’ except some watermelons so alls we had to do was pay for the melons and haul her home.”

“Then consider yourselves under my protection,” Calvin told them. “I need people loyal to me who can help protect my friends and family. Can I count on you boys?”

Festus nodded vigorously. “Oh, yes sir! Yes sir, indeed! We know all about keepin’ kith and kin safe! It’s the one good thing our daddy taught us, according to mamma!”

Calvin stood, allowing Festus and Darryl to stand. “I suppose we had better tell your other brother Darryl about your new allegiance.”

“Great plan, hoss. You seem like a real smart feller. I bet we’re loads better off sticking with you than we were as freelancers,” Festus gushed. He pulled Darryl to his feet and the two of them wiped the dirt off their overalls...well, most of the dirt.

“I sure hope so,” Calvin replied. He looked at his ruined car, the torn clothes in the drivers, and realized he was going to be running home through the woods in werewolf form.

“Don’t you worry none about your car, hoss,” Festus assured Calvin. “Darryl’s real good at automotive workins. We’ll get your ride runnin’ all smooth like and then get it back to you. Say, that reminds me, how are we gonna get in contact with you?”

Calvin gave Festus his phone number and discovered that the brothers were staying--shockingly--in a trailer park on the outskirts of town. He bid the dimwitted brothers farewell and then headed home.

When Calvin reached his parents’ house he found his mother upset. “Calvin Douglas!” his mother chided. “There is another pack of mangy werewolves hanging around waiting for you again! I won’t stand for it!”

Calvin wondered when his mother, the same woman who had worn a pink Hard Rock Cafe tank top to Gemma’s confirmation, had decided she was some kind of fancy, high society lady, but he let it go. “I just need to get some clothes, mom. Then I’ll go talk to them.”

“You had better, young man! And what are you doing traipsing around as a werewolf? Just because you can be a werewolf whenever you like doesn’t mean you should!”

Calvin sighed. “Yes, mom.” He went upstairs, turned back into a human, and got dressed.

Out on the lawn one of the werewolves politely asked permission to conduct business in his territory, which Calvin gladly agreed to, but what he hadn’t counted on was another one of them being in the business of stabbing him between the ribs. Calvin cried out in pain and then his parents’ front lawn quickly disintegrated into a battle royale.

At least two other werewolves were in on the ambush, but another six or so were on the level. Some pulled out hatchets or machetes, but the rest had knives. Calvin wondered if he was about to create some kind of new folk saying in the werewolf community about dumbasses bringing knives to a werewolf fight. He transformed into a werewolf, ruining his second set of clothes that evening. He picked up two of the attacking werewolves and bashed them together like dolls before flinging them aside. The third would-be ambusher tried to run, but one of the other werewolves threw a hatchet that twirled end over end before striking the fleeing traitor in the back of the head. He fell and the others pounced on him.

“Sorry about the mess,” the werewolf who had asked Calvin’s permission to conduct business in his territory apologized. The others were loading the three unconscious men into the trunk of a sedan. “We’ll take care of it, though. Don’t you worry, sir.”

Sir. Calvin seemed to be garnering a certain amount of respect in the werewolf community. That was something that was likely to come in handy, what with all the people jumping out at him with guns and knives lately. Calvin gathered up his tattered, bloody clothes and went back inside.

“Werewolfing again?” Calvin’s mother groused. “Have you no manners at all? Were you raised in a barn?”

“Yes, mom. But thanks to you and dad, it was the finest barn in the whole county,” Calvin replied dryly.

“That is not funny, mister! Don’t you go telling the neighbors you were raised in a barn!”

“Mom, calm down. We don’t have any neighbors. Otherwise they would probably be grabbing their torches and pitchforks after the scrawny neighbor boy turned into a werewolf right in front of their eyes,” Calvin explained.

His mother continued as though he hadn’t said a thing. “Just because our old house was a manufactured home and technically still had the wheels attached does not mean we are some kind of white trash rednecks! We are sophisticated, God-dammit!”

Calvin took a deep breath and did his best to sound calm and rational. “Mom. I’m a werewolf now. Just yesterday our town was under attack from zombies. Today I think I ended up in the middle of a werewolf civil war and tomorrow the werewolves might go all 1939 Germany on everyone and try an all out bid for world domination now that they think they’ve discovered the master race. Can you please calm down so I can put on my third set of pants for the day and go meet the cute redheaded fairy girl who is supposed to be spying on me?”

“Ooh! Calvin, you have a date?” his mother gushed. “Tell me all about her! How did you meet? What color are her eyes? Does she play basketball? What about musical instruments? Can she sing? I always wanted a daughter-in-law with a beautiful singing voice.

Calvin stared at her for a moment. “I’m going upstairs to change,” he said at last.

Why everyone got so damn excited about Calvin meeting up with Rhoslyn, he had no idea. It wasn’t as though he had never been on a date before...but if something did not go utterly, horribly, irreversibly wrong it would certainly be a first. Calvin passed out on the bed so he could transform painlessly and woke up five minutes later. He dressed and started his homework while he waited for Rhoslyn to call.

Finally, Calvin’s phone buzzed. It was a text from Rhoslyn’s number, but it was definitely not from Rhoslyn. “We have the fairy. Meet us at the Wal*Mart in fifteen minutes.”

“Jesus Christ,” Calvin swore. This day was getting ridiculous. And whoever these people were seemed to be at least a little intelligent. They had kidnapped Rhoslyn and then demanded to meet in a public place. No quick werewolf transformations to brawl his way out of this one. Calvin called Festus and his brothers Darryl anyway, just so that he would have backup if things went to hell. Festus agreed to meet him there “quicker than a fart out of Grandma Ethel on Easter morning.” Whatever that meant.

Calvin took his clothes back off, transformed, tied his clothes to his arm so he could run freely and then change back once he got to Wal*Mart, and then headed out to face his newest tribulation.

Everybody Out, Someone Werewolfed in the Pool - Day 16

Driving back to Port Orchard felt very strange to Calvin. There were no zombies after them. Kari had given him a serious tongue lashing on the ride back from Oregon. Sara wasn’t talking to anybody. Gemma would not shut up about wanting to stop at every single fast food restaurant they saw a sign for. Except for Harris being too shell shocked to hit on Kari, things were basically back to normal.

Then they arrived at Calvin’s parents’ house.

A dozen motorcycles, three muscle cars, and an old mini school bus that had been painted to look like a giant boxy wolf were parked in front of the house. Burly men and women, mostly clad in black leather and spiky necklaces with more tattoos and piercings than they had fingers, milled about amicably on the lawn.

“What the hell is this?” Kari asked Calvin as they drove up.

“I have no idea, but my mom is going to freak out,” Calvin answered.

“They’re just being polite, silly,” Marla told him. She had switched back and forth between Marla and Nel several times during the four hour car ride, but evidently now it was convenient for her to be her own evil twin. “Any supernatural, especially one of your own kind, will ask permission from the local Guardian before conducting any business in their territory.”

“Wait...I’m really the Guardian of Kitsap County?” Calvin had thought that his attempted murder of Tim Kane, business werewolf had voided that title. Although, evidently Sara had lied about werewolves not being able to regenerate while in human form. It had all been part of Marla’s master plan to maneuver Calvin to where she wanted him.

“Of course! Not everything we told you was a lie.” Marla rolled her mismatched eyes.

“So all these people are werewolves who want my permission to conduct business in my territory? Let me guess, that means you’ll be sticking around and setting up shop here.” Calvin sighed. While he hadn’t really expected Marla to pack up and leave, he had certainly been hoping that he had been wrong about that!

“Exactly. And I would really take it as a kindness if you gave them permission to do so.” Marla chuckled. They both knew that even though Calvin was strong enough to take her and her minions in a fight, he couldn’t keep all the people he cared about safe all the time. Crossing Marla meant putting people he loved at risk.

“Of course,” Calvin replied good naturedly.

“Oh dear lord!” Calvin’s mother exclaimed when she got out of her car and saw all the bikers on her lawn. “What...how...Calvin!”

“Easy there, mom,” Calvin said soothingly as he climbed out of Sara’s van.

“Calvin! Just look at them! They’re all...and...ARGH!” she wailed.

“Mom. Calm down. These are just some werewolf friends from out of town. They need my permission to enter my territory. You’re going to have to get somewhat used to this now that you know all about my secret,” Calvin explained calmly.

“Fine,” his mother replied sullenly. “But I’m not making them tea,” she declared as she stomped up the driveway and into the house without looking at the assembled werewolves.

“When have you ever made guests tea?” Calvin wondered aloud. “Do we even have tea in the house?”

Then the werewolves approached him respectfully. It felt very odd. “Guardian,” one of them said in a very official and somber tone, “May we conduct business within your territory? We swear that we shall not harm you or yours.”

Calvin nodded. “You may. Go in peace,” he added belatedly. He decided that if he was going to be making things up as he went along, he might as well make it sound official.

The werewolves all nodded appreciatively and began to depart. Calvin heaved a sigh of relief. He had been mildly concerned that the werewolves wouldn’t take him seriously in his juicy pink sweatpants and slut tank top.

Calvin rubbed his eyes tiredly. It was Sunday afternoon and he was going to have to go to school tomorrow, which seemed insane after everything that had happened since Thursday. And he was going to have to do homework before going to bed tonight. What kind of werewolf has homework?

Calvin trudged into the house while everyone else drove off in their respective cars. When he reached his room he flopped down on his bed. His cell phone immediately buzzed over on his desk where he had set it. Groaning, he stood and looked at his phone. It was a text from Rhoslyn. She had stayed in Oregon with her fairy family, obviously.

“Did you get home safely?” her text said.

“Yes,” Calvin wrote back. “Marla met a bunch of werewolves on my parents’ lawn, but it all went down peacefully. How is the fairy court?”

“Fine. They’re all a little worried over having so much happen in our territory. They want me to go up and visit you to make sure things aren’t getting out of hand. Is that okay?” she asked.

“Of course. It would be good to see you again. Did you tell them about Marla’s evil plan to start a war and expose the whole supernatural world?”

“Yes. They don’t believe it’s possible. I think they’re just too scared to believe it. So it’s okay for me to come for a visit tomorrow?”

“Definitely,” Calvin replied.

“Great! See you then.”

Calvin pulled his math book out of his backpack and started doing his homework, all the while muttering to himself how ridiculous it was to be doing math problems right on the heels of saving his family and friends from zombies. When he finally went to sleep that night he was utterly exhausted. Hopefully tomorrow would be a normal day, aside from his new friend the fairy coming to visit any way.

Monday was not a normal day. In fact, Calvin was fairly certain that he was never going to have a normal day again. He stood in the commons with his mouth agape. Kari and Harris stood next to him in similar states of dumbfoundedness.

“This is your fault,” Kari finally said accusingly to Calvin.

Calvin shrugged. “Yeah. It probably is.”

“I don’t...what...um...God dammit!” Harris screamed, earning him a dirty look from a passing teacher.

All three of them were staring, hopelessly puzzled, at Logan inexpertly flirting with a disinterested girl, just like he would be doing on any other given Monday morning. He was back to his normal height and pudginess. When Calvin had first seen him he had immediately panicked and scanned the area for Sara, but so far she was nowhere to be seen.

“What do we do?” Kari asked tentatively.

“I guess we go talk to him,” Calvin said.

“About what?” Harris asked.

Calvin shrugged again. “I have no Goddamn idea. What did we used to talk to him about?”

“Mostly about what a dumbass he was,” Kari answered without missing a beat. “Ugh. Look at him, he’s still being a dumbass!”

The girl Logan was talking to was very obviously trying to walk away and escape the conversation, but Logan was walking away with her.

“Oh, it’s painful to watch!” Harris covered his eyes. “Even Calvin isn’t that bad at talking to girls!”

“Hey, I’m right here!” Calvin retorted.

“Calvin never talks to girls,” Kari chided. “That would ruin his carefully crafted reputation as a crotchety old man.” She smirked.

“This is really not the time to be mocking my love life. Hulk Logan just reappeared as regular Logan. We need to figure out if he’s still an mindless brute being controlled by Sara or if he’s back to his old dumbass self,” Calvin said.

“Fine. You’re right,” Kari admitted grudgingly. “Go save that girl, that was a thing you used to do. Then you can see if Logan hulks out on you.”

Calvin rolled his eyes. “Great plan.” But he went over to them anyway.

“...so that’s what I mean about those guys not respecting who you really are. You know, on the inside. As a real person,” Logan was droning on at the girl.

Calvin tapped Logan’s shoulder. “There you are!”

As soon as Logan turned his head the girl he had been talking to darted away into the crowd behind her. Calvin swore she mouthed the words “thank you” to him before she disappeared entirely.

“Oh hey, buddy!” Logan said brightly when he saw Calvin. “How was your weekend?”

Calvin’s eyes bulged in surprise, but he covered it as quickly as he could. “Ummm...alright, I guess. You know, the usual stuff. What about you? Anything exciting happen?”

Logan shook his head. “Nah. I thought I had a date with Kelsi Peters, but then when I showed up at the movie theater there were a bunch of her friends there too. It wasn’t a date,” he said sadly.

“That’s rough, man. I’m sorry. Well, I just wanted to see how you were doing. I’ll see you in English class.” Calvin waved and then walked back to Harris and Kari.

“Well?” Kari asked eagerly.

“Either he’s suddenly become and even better liar than Sara or he remembers nothing. He even has fake memories of some girl inviting him to the movies with a bunch of her friends,” Calvin explained.

“He thought it was a date, didn’t he?” Harris snickered.

“Not the important detail to latch onto, Harris.” Calvin glowered at his friend. “So it looks like between Sara and Marla they were able to turn him back into a real boy and replace his memories.”

“Wonderful. Do you think they did it so Logan could spy on us for them?” Kari guessed.

“Probably,” Calvin agreed. “The real question though, is why do they still think we’re a big enough threat to spy on?”

“You do know all about Marla’s evil plan. Maybe she wants to keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t tip off the head werewolf lady or any of the other supernatural factions,” Kari speculated.

Calvin nodded. “That makes sense. Crap! It’s also damn inconvenient. The Oregon Rose Fairies are sending Rhoslyn up for a visit tonight.”

“What do you think Marla will do about it when she finds out?” Kari asked.

“No idea. She’s so bat-shit crazy, she could do anything from stop by with a pinata and balloons to covering my house in a dome of zombies so Rhoslyn can’t ever reach the front door.” Calvin shook his head. “I guess we just wait and see.”

“So. Rhoslyn is coming for a visit.” Harris nudged Calvin with his elbow. “Won’t that be lovely. Huh? Huh?” He winked conspiratorially.

Calvin sighed. The fairy girl was very cute, but he wasn’t about to let Harris know he thought that. “Shut up, Harris.”

“If you need any ideas for good first dates-” Harris started.

Kari interrupted him. “Be sure not to listen to him.” She smacked Harris upside his head. “Rhoslyn isn’t one of your dumb floozies. Take her somewhere nice,” Kari told Calvin.

“This still isn’t a date,” Calvin reminded them both. “And we have more serious problems to consider than my love life.”

“Is there a more dire situation than Calvin’s love life?” Harris asked Kari.

Kari put a finger to her chin thoughtfully. “You know, Harris. I don’t know that there is. He really seems like the very definition of a lost cause.”

“Very funny, you two.” Calvin rolled his eyes. “Now can we please talk about something else?”

“Maybe we can trick him into getting dressed up by telling him there’s a formal wear only Pinochle tournament happening tonight?” Kari suggested, ignoring Calvin entirely.

“Or Bridge! Old men love Bridge!” Harris exclaimed. “And we’ll tell him there will be hot cakes! Nothing gets a crotchety old geezer excited like breakfast food!”

“Yes!” Kari agreed. “And that there will be eight different types of syrup! But we’ll have to make sure he knows it’s fancy syrup. He’s not getting dressed to the nines just for some cheap International House of Pancakes knockoff.”

“Freaking hilarious. That’s what you two knuckleheads are,” Calvin said dryly.

Everybody Out, Someone Werewolfed in the Pool - Day 15

“Should they be here by now?” Calvin asked anxiously. He was once again wearing women’s sweatpants. This time they were bright pink and said “Juicy” on the back. They were still too small and only barely went past his knees. The shirt they had found was no better, it was a tank top that proudly declared the wearer of said tank top to be a “Slut” in bold letters across the chest. Given the clothing they had found inside the car, Calvin and Rhoslyn had not been at all surprised that its owner had simply panicked and run off rather than drive away in her car, but at least Calvin was no longer naked.

“I’m not sure how far away that next rest stop is,” Rhoslyn said. “It may take them a while to get back here.”

Calvin frowned worriedly. Marla obviously knew that they had been here so it was possible that Sara and Logan could turn up any second. Of course, if they did then Calvin could just transform into a werewolf and fight them, but getting into a brawl was hardly a guarantee of safety.

“Oh, God dammit...no, no, no!” Calvin groaned when he saw Nel padding aimlessly down the side of the highway. He and Rhoslyn ran over to Nel.

Nel seemed surprised to be meeting them here. “Oh...hello,” she mumbled as she kept walking.

“Nel, I need you to focus,” Calvin told her. “What happened to the others?”

“The others?” Nel asked, clearly confused.

“Yes. The other people who were with you. Kari. Harris. Their families. My family,” Calvin reminded her.

“Oh, them.” Nel waved her hand dismissively. “Marla has them. Still alive though,” she said, perplexed by that fact.

Calvin fought down the urge to swear. As his temper rose he felt the transformation coming over him and he forced himself to take a deep breath. “Where did Marla take them?”

Nel shrugged. “How would I know? Marla’s never left anyone alive before.” A black SUV pulled into the rest stop and a dead man got out of the driver side door. “Oh...oh no...I--I don’t like them,” Nel whimpered.

Calvin gawked as Tim Kane, business werewolf scanned the rest stop parking lot for danger, evidently decided it was safe, and opened one of the rear doors. A tall, regal looking woman with thick silver hair down to her shoulders stepped out of the SUV.

“I don’t understand. He’s dead. I saw him die.” Calvin could not tear his eyes away from the man he had supposedly killed.

“Who? The guy in the suit?” Rhoslyn asked.

Calvin nodded. He didn’t really want to tell Rhoslyn about how Sara had made him shoot Tim Kane in the head.

“Did the necromancer bring him back, then?” she guessed.

“Could be. Everyone else she’s brought back has still had their wounds, though. Sara’s stomach was all torn up. I just don’t know.” Calvin shivered. Tim and the woman were walking over to them.

The tall woman in the business suit looked Calvin up and down, then turned to Nel and asked, “This is the supposedly successful specimen?”

Nel nodded. It was the most coherent thing Calvin had ever seen her do. He wondered if it was a fluke or if Nel had genuinely understood the question and responded to it appropriately.

“Very well,” the woman said somewhat skeptically. “Commence with the test.” She turned towards the woods behind the rest stop.

Everyone else did the same as three zombies came staggering out from the trees. The woman and the business werewolf waited patiently. Calvin snarled and silently berated himself for only now realizing what was going on. This woman must have been the CEO of Werewolf Corp or whatever organization Tim Kane was a paper pusher for and she wanted to see the freak daytime werewolf perform live.

Calvin stripped off his girly clothes and closed his eyes. He found it easy to summon up the anger and adrenaline necessary to start the transformation. Once he was in werewolf mode he bounded over to the zombies and ripped them apart easily. After he was done he trotted back over the group of spectators.

“Fascinating,” the woman declared. “He even seemed to retain control during the change. Well done,” she told Nel.

“I told you I could do it,” Nel answered proudly. Calvin felt his jaw drop. There was no mistaking that Nel was having a real, honest to goodness conversation with this woman who had appeared out of nowhere with a werewolf who should be very, very dead.

“Yes, but there were all those unpleasant early...test subjects,” the woman said distastefully.

Nel waved her hand dismissively. “Necessary setbacks. This, my dear woman, is what you paid me for.” She gestured grandly at Calvin, still in werewolf form.

“So I see,” she admitted. Finally, she addressed Calvin. “Well, young man, how do you feel?”

“Very confused,” Calvin told her. “Who are you?”

“You may call me Miss Avery,” the Chief Executive Werewolf replied. “What other silly questions do you have?”

“What would really make me feel better is a quick summary of what the hell is going on,” Calvin told her. “Why is Nel sane now, how are you involved with the zombies, why did you do this to me, will you help get my friends back...you know, the high points.”

Miss Avery arched a questioning eyebrow at Nel. “I don’t quite see how ‘Nel’ is short for ‘Marla,’ but she has always been...well, perhaps sane is a strong word, but a reliable eccentric genius when it comes to necromancy and other dark magic.”

Calvin groaned audibly. “I’m such an idiot,” he moaned. He turned to Nel. “You’ve been Marla this whole time.”

Marla grinned mischievously. “Yes and no, but we can talk more about that later. Try to behave in front of the client.” She nodded at Miss Avery.

“Wait.” Rhoslyn held up her hands. “What the damn hell? This is the necromancer that chased you out of your home and tried to kill you and your friends?”

“So it would seem,” Calvin answered.

“Why are we not running for our lives right now?” Rhoslyn demanded.

“Because evidently the necromancer never wanted to kill me, she just wanted to experiment on me.” Calvin sighed.

“Finally figured it out. Better late than never.” Marla smiled at him.

“Where are my friends?” Calvin asked as calmly as he could.

“Safe, of course!” Marla replied. “I’ll take you to them as soon as we’ve concluded our business here.” She turned back to Miss Avery. “Where were we?”

“You can reproduce these results?” Miss Avery asked.

Marla nodded. “Absolutely. Everything went exactly as planned. One hundred percent repeatable procedure!”

“Very well. You have fulfilled your end of the bargain. I will insist that the Witches Coven, Warlocks Guild, Vampire Council, and the Yeti Protection Society all issue you blanket pardons for your past crimes. Given this sudden, dramatic increase in our power, they will all bow to our demands,” Miss Avery replied. “You do remember the second half of the agreement, yes?”

“Of course. All the werewolves in your faction will have the procedure performed on them and I will refuse this service to anyone else,” Marla answered happily.

“Good girl. Now run along and retrieve my progeny’s friends. I would hate for him to become distressed.” Miss Avery turned on her heel and strode back to the SUV, Tim Kane in tow.

“Progeny?” Calvin asked Marla.

Marla nodded. “What? You didn’t think I would let an imbecile like that business werewolf turn my most ambitious project yet from a simple human into the future of all werewolf-kind, do you?”

Calvin took a moment to reflect on that. He had finally come face to face with the werewolf who had attacked him eight months ago and left him in the woods to turn. Alone. After meeting Miss Avery, he was somehow unsurprised that she had done that to him.

“Now let’s go get your friends,” Marl said cheerfully.

Right on queue, Sara drove up in her mom’s beat up old minivan. Calvin transformed and quickly dressed when he woke back up.

Calvin and Rhoslyn climbed into the middle row of seats. “What’s that smell?” Rhoslyn whispered as they buckled their seat belts.

“Bacon flavored squeeze cheese and gin. Sara’s mother isn’t the classiest of gals,” Calvin whispered back.

“But why does her car smell like that?” Rhoslyn wondered. “I mean, surely she wasn’t drinking gin and eating bacon flavored squeeze cheese in the back of her van!”

“I know you’d prefer a world where that was true, but that ain’t the world we’re living in,” Calvin told her.

“Oh.” Rhoslyn and Calvin remained silent for the rest of the van ride. So did Sara and Marla, for that matter. Sara drove them to an abandoned K-Mart where they all got out and went inside. Judging by the state of the door frame, Sara had told Logan to force the door open.

Inside, everyone was tied up and gagged, sitting in a circle facing out. Logan stood over them vigilantly.

“Any trouble?” Sara asked. Logan shook his head. “Good. Now what?” she asked Marla.

“Now we all go home, everybody’s happy.” Marla grinned manically.

Sara frowned. “I’m not happy. We didn’t even kill anyone.”

“All in good time, my dear,” Marla told her. “There’s a war coming, after all.”

“War?” Rhoslyn asked worriedly. “With who?”

Marla smirked wickedly. “Everyone, of course. You know how werewolves are, silly little fairy. They only respect strength and now they’ll be ten times stronger than they were before my little experiment went so swimmingly.”

“No! I mean, they can’t! Everyone will team up against them. Even werewolves can’t fight every other type of supernatural at once,” Rhoslyn said.

“True,” Marla admitted. “But they will certainly try. Werewolves are stubborn that way. Remember how your new buddy tried to stay in werewolf form even after the moon went down? Stubborn. Which is exactly why I chose them. I mean, it would have been much simpler to make a vampire who could walk in the daylight, but vampires are so damn cautious and calculating! No, I needed a bunch of super werewolves to start a war big enough that even the idiot normal humans would notice. Then we won’t have to hide what we are any more.” Marla’s grin had gone way past manic to full on maniac.

Calvin leaned over to Rhoslyn and whispered, “Did she just give a speech that told us every detail of her evil master plan?”

Rhoslyn nodded. “Yeah, she did. I’m not really sure she’s all there upstairs.”

“Right again!” Marla cackled. Evidently, she had fantastic hearing along with her ability to raise the dead and create super werewolves. “Poor little Nel has no idea though, so mums the word, eh?” Marla put a finger to her lips.

Calvin and Rhoslyn stared at her, waiting for the punchline of whatever psychotic joke Marla was telling. Nel had been Marla the whole time, she had even admitted it!

Marla made a pouty face. “What? You still don’t understand? How delicious!” She cackled wildly again. “Luny little Nel lost her marbles when she accidently brought the old woman her neighbor murdered and buried in the backyard back as a zombie and lost control of it. Damn thing ate her whole family and that murdering old bastard! You can imagine the meltdown she had. She completely lost control of her new powers and the whole town was overrun with the undead. That’s where I came in,” Marla gestured to herself proudly. “Nel imagined someone else doing all those horrible things. She even gave this someone else a name and a personality. She imagined ‘Marla’ chasing her, tormenting her with hordes of zombies. Nel created me so she wouldn’t have to face what she’d done.”

Calvin gawked at Marla. “You’re insane,” he said finally.

Marla tilted her head to one side. “Well...technically I’m the sanest person in here.” She tapped the side of her head before bursting out laughing. When her gales of laughter had subsided, she wiped a tear from her eye and said, “What’s everyone standing around for? Let’s go home!”